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Boards, Councils, & Committees
S
Bitter Faculty Congress
Made up of three reluctantly appointed
faculty representatives from each Department, the Bitter Faculty
Congress (BFC) meets weekly to complain about just about everything.
Mostly, members discuss how much time Bitter Faculty Congress
takes away from letting them be good teachers. They also discuss
how to be an administrative cog in an already administratively
saturated machine.
Much like the Student Government Association (SGA), the Bitter Faculty Congress has little actual power.
S
Council of Elders
Dating back from years and years ago when the University annexed
land from Native Americans, the Council of Elders is made up of
the wisest men on campus.
The Elders hold a monthly powwow at an outdoor amphitheater in the University's private forest to pray for rain, peace, low interest rates, and casinos. Using the lost ancient ways, many of the mysterious Elders can even communicate with plants, animals, spirits, and rivers. In fact, the Council of Elders embodies every politically incorrect Native American stereotype currently still circulating.
Students are invited to attend the monthly powwows, but should note that photographic recording equipment is not permitted since it could inadvertently jeopardize the Elders' souls. Please, respect their backward beliefs.
For the past 150 years, the Council of Elders has encouraged the University to be more environmentally-friendly, but the Board of Trustees considers them senile old men.
Note: Old women, even wise old women, are not allowed to be Elders since they must attend to their secretarial and child-rearing duties.
S
Council of Equalization
Students who feel they've been wronged by another student, but
prefer to bypass the Halls of Justice because legal retribution
just isn't satisfying, may request an audience with the Council
of Equalization. The Council, composed mainly of local Italian
businessmen, is solely responsible for approving or denying all
campus vendettas.
Any student who exacts revenge without the approval of the Council of Equalization will be very, very sorry.